You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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