I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
