I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
