New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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