Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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