Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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