And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
