A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
