took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
