I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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