Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I intend to get homeless drunk
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
