Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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