Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
COCAINE IS GR8
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
