Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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