I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
