she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
