Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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