There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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