that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
