whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
