he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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