I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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