Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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