i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I think my moral compass just broke
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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