new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
