would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
