This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
