She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
