the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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