Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize