Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
