I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
