I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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