I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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