oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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