One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
