she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
