you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
