Kiss
Puke
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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