She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
