You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
