but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
