if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
