I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
