I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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