If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
40s are totally the cure
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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