Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize