I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
