well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
