just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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