you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
