i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
