there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
