my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
