just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
