what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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