hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Boobs are out for the taking
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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