don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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