it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!