I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.