remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real