Texts From Last Night

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  (816): View more from Missouri

  In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance

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  (816): In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance http://tfl.nu/nm0w
  Replies (5) Good night (1523) Bad night (623)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.

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  (614): Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child. http://tfl.nu/h3yl
  Replies (22) Good night (3594) Bad night (1004)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.

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  (501): Turns out vomit takes off spray tan. http://tfl.nu/8hd7
  Replies (10) Good night (915) Bad night (5077)
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  (+41): View more from Switzerland

  I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples

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  (+41): I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples http://tfl.nu/80un
  Replies (16) Good night (1188) Bad night (5210)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.

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  (717): She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer. http://tfl.nu/9691
  Replies (7) Good night (3837) Bad night (1045)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent

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  (410): I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent http://tfl.nu/8hat
  Replies (9) Good night (1114) Bad night (3941)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.

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  (903): All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed. http://tfl.nu/pos0
  Replies (3) Good night (2225) Bad night (679)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours

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  (613): He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours http://tfl.nu/8ij2
  Replies (3) Good night (982) Bad night (680)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down

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  (860): You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down http://tfl.nu/2dmo
  Replies (4) Good night (874) Bad night (934)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then

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  (865): I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then http://tfl.nu/yugg
  Replies (1) Good night (841) Bad night (458)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?

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  (801): Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning? http://tfl.nu/nrqu
  Replies (5) Good night (753) Bad night (428)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.

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  (+61): The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals. http://tfl.nu/0gao
  Replies (0) Good night (775) Bad night (317)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.

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  (541): k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating. http://tfl.nu/iql3
  Replies (1) Good night (604) Bad night (359)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.

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  (256): That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants. http://tfl.nu/0w7x
  Replies (5) Good night (712) Bad night (416)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.

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  (845): So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/55s3
  Replies (5) Good night (1336) Bad night (414)

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