I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
These 25 Rude People Ruined Movies for Everyone Else
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already