Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.