It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp