His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
