I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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