dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
