Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
