I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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