i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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