is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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