so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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