well you can't waste a boner
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
