I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
