I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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