I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
