I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
