She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
