I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
