Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
