they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
