My boss' voice literally gives me gas
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
