what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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