Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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